I'm New at This, Forgive Me.

Ahh love.
It's beautiful, complicated, crazy, mysterious, amazing, painful, cruel, and above all, unpredictable. I fell in love recently. With a boy literally thousands of miles away from me. I don't wish to talk of him though. I just literally want to talk of love and my experience with it. It made me crazy. I never knew a silly little four letter word could take over my life. It's magical, mystical. It's everything I dreamed it would be, minus the fact that he doesn't love me back. But that's not the point. I can't blame him for not loving me. You can't force someone to love you. Plus, your first love usually isn't your last. I'm just hoping the next one feels the same way.
I've always wondered what it's like to be in a "loving" relationship. To wake up in the morning, look next to me and go "I could wake up to him every day of my life". I'd love to find someone who accepts me for me. My goofiness, my insecuties, my beliefs, my friends, my family, my crazy and unpredictable random babble, my everything. But isn't that what we all want? The American Dream should be redefined. No one wants the white picket fence, two and a half kids and so on. We just want love. But we all have so much trouble finding it.
I feel like the meaning of life has become love. We spend our whole lives waiting and wondering. Others go out searching like they're on the hunt. Love pretty much runs our lives. If we don't have love, we feel unwanted and unappreciated. As if love is all we need to be happy. If we have love we think nothing can stop us, we feel ontop of the world. Love controls everything. But why? Is this one emotion really worth all the hurt, all the misery down the long and broken road? If you ask those who have been in love they say yes. Ask someone who hasn't been in love, they'll say they are sure if it. Love is just, crazy. People say love is evil.
Love isn't evil. The people we fall in love with are evil. Love just leaves us blind to everyone's evils. We need to learn to control it. Learn love is good. It's human kind that brings in all the negatives of love. After all, without life where is love? Non existent. It's hard to get out exactly what I'm trying to say. Sorry, that was the best I can do trying to explain it. I don't think love is evil at all. It's beautiful. You just have to realize that you are lucky enough to have this emotion. Can you imagine a world where the emotion of love didn't exist? We'd be mad, insane. Be thankful for life. And be thankful for love.
I suppose that's good enough for my first blog. I hope those of you who have read enjoy!
-Caitlin Marie